The Cheat Code

With the NBA playoffs in full swing, it’s as good a time as any to power rank the top ten reasons why Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all time.

Okay, now that the ladies aren’t reading anymore, listen up gentlemen. I think I found a relationship cheat code.

At my local Kroger, there’s a flower section near the door. There’s a full range of bouquets just waiting to be examined by guys who have little to no idea what they’re looking at. Dozens of roses and… uh… other kinds of flowers. I don’t know much about flowers.

The point is, I know that flowers make my wife happy. When my wife’s happy, I’m happy. But I also know that buying the most lavish bouquet every week eats into my waffle budget. So herein lies the secret.

Reduced flowers.

What are reduced flowers? I’m glad you asked.

Reduced flowers are the clearance rack. They’re the buds that didn’t sell on time and are practically being given away. They’re often on sale for a fraction of the cost. Don’t be fooled, you’re still going to have to dig deep to find a bouquet that looks decent—you’re not wriggling out of those awkward five minutes when you sift through the petals as if you know what you’re doing. But here’s the thing: you’re thinking about her.

Now, I’ve only been married for 23 months. There are a lot of much smarter, much more experienced guys out there than me. But this much I’ve learned: my wife wants to know that I’m thinking about her.

It’s not extravagance she craves—it’s my heart.

A handwritten note.

When I walk through the front door with a handful of reduced flowers, I’m 100% confident that her face will light up. Is it because I chose the gaudiest bouquet? Not a chance. It’s because I thought of her.

If you want to make her happy, show her you’re thinking about her.

Find reduced flowers.

P.S. If you made it this far, here you go:

10. Ten-time scoring champ.
9. The best Space Jam movie ever.
8. Blind free throws.
7. The Dream Team.
6. The flying motion.
5. Five-time MVP.
4. The best Gatorade commercial ever.
3. Scoring champ and Defensive Player of the Year in the same season.
2. Highest career scoring average of all time.
1. Six Finals MVPs.